tsunami

tragedies such as the ones that struck japan recently make it difficult to believe that life actually is beautiful. one minute, you're entering your home tired but otherwise feeling great. a bit short of breath from having to climb the stairs, but you hardly notice that because the good stuff easily outweighs whatever reasons there may be to complain. and then you glance at the t.v. and without warning you are bombarded with images of ruination so massive that it creates a cacophony of senseless noises in your head as your brain repeatedly attempts - and fails - to accept that what you are seeing is really happening.

when you finally come to your senses the first thing you do is find out if the people you know in that area are safe.

one of the persons closest to my heart lives in japan, and in a panic i dial her number. in my frustration i could not even recognize if the language spoken in her answering machine is german or japanese. i hung up the phone and quickly sent an e-mail to all her e-mail addresses asking if she's ok. she e-mailed back assuring me that she was, that she was on the other side of japan and didn't even feel the earthquake. it was as if a tsunami of relief and thankfulness flooded me then.

while i feel and pray for everyone who suffered and continue to suffer from the earthquakes and tsunamis that hit japan, i do not know any of them personally. and as wislawa szymborska says, in the poem "thank you note":

i owe so much
to those i don't love

the relief as i agree
that someone else needs them more

the happiness that i am not
the wolf to their sleep

the peace i feel with them
the freedom -

love can neither give
nor take that

i don't wait for them
as in window-to-door-and-back
almost as patient
as a sundial

tragedies such as the ones that struck japan recently make it difficult to believe that life actually is something to be grateful for.

sometimes you just have to content yourself with being thankful for the fact that it could have been worse.

godchildren

last sunday, c and i became co-godparents to zak, an adorable (see proof below) baby boy.

welcoming him to the christian world and having the honor of being chosen as one of his godparents are more than enough blessings for a day, but that was just the beginning because he also celebrated his first birthday that sunday.



c and i are famous for our utter lack of any sense of direction, so another reason to be grateful was the fact that we did not get lost even if it was only our first time in that area. oh, and the cake and cupcakes survived the commute, too:

today, c and i got to spend some time with another baby who has both of us as godparents. she's only eight months old, but already shows a lot of personality. so cute. also, she sneezed in my face today. took me by surprise, i forgot to say the mandatory "bless you". haha!

this will be all for now. c and i have to leave early tomorrow morning. yes, to attend a christening and be co-godparents once again. =)

avalanche

"the mind works like a magnet" - i first heard that from a classmate in high school. since then, i have encountered several variations of this claim from different sources. of how having a positive mindset would attract positive energy. of how focusing on the good stuff would make you open up to more of it. of how there is scientific evidence on the merits of that old dictum about counting your blessings.

i always thought that made sense. for a time, i even attempted to make it part of my lifestyle, but wasn't able to sustain it. this blog is a commitment to sticking to it this time. and putting it up seemed to trigger a downpour of reasons to honoring that commitment. it was as if by making the decision, i opened the proverbial can of worms, except that from the can escaped not worms, but fireflies. it felt like i lifted the lid of a pandora's box but instead of evil, out came things that are bright and good and beautiful, ready to spread their wings of light, just waiting to be set free all this time.

***

for starters, the same night that i put up this blog, as i lay in bed, the door opened and i looked up to find c standing there, grinning. it was such a pleasant surprise, i screamed with delight! for some reason, her boss decided to not spend the night at the training venue so they traveled back. of course, she had to leave again very early the following morning, but i was still giddy from her surprise by the time she left. =)

***

i haven't even recovered from that when i got an email from my friend-by-birth-sister-by-choice who's in japan right now. i haven't seen her in a long time. more good news: she and her husband had finally booked their tickets and are coming over! but when i looked closer at their itinerary i saw that they're arriving in june, not march, as i had hoped. and they'd only be here for five days. i'm sure most of their time here would be spent with their relatives, so i was a bit disappointed that we won't be spending that much time together. good thing i promptly admonished myself, thinking, pasalamat ka nga magkikita kayo.

i emailed her back saying that while they would only be here for five days, who knows, maybe by june c and i would have enough money saved and we could fly back with them to japan. long story short: c and i plus one of our closest friends are going to japan in june, all expenses paid, including board and lodging for our 12-day stay!

***

i was getting dizzy with excitement and felt like cartwheeling all the way to the hospital for my eye checkup. the last time i went i was diagnosed with glaucoma. apparently, the eye drops are working because my eye pressure was normal in both eyes and cup-to-disc ratio hasn't worsened. yay!

***

from the hospital, it was a series of heartwarming bonding sessions: lunch date with my best friend; met up with one of my high school buddies at a coffee shop in the afternoon; in the evening visited one of my childhood friends and her kids (the eldest of whom is my godson) in the place where we grew up. three wonderful women. i love them all and relished every minute of being with each one, happy that i have been blessed with their friendship.

***

as the day was coming to an end, i felt a warm glow thinking, life is good. and then i got a text message from c, saying she's spending the night at home again and would just leave early for the training venue the following morning. life is friggin fantastic.

paving the road to edsa

we who are left behind

balance precariously

with all the grace

of a drunk gymnast

on that delicate line

separating

hope

and despair;

our vacillation

between holding on

and letting go,

almost pendular

as we master the art

of clinging to hope

while liberating

ourselves

of expectations;

invigorated only

by the certainty

that at one point

we were in the company

of heroes and martyrs.

 For the selfless desaparecidos who sacrificed their lives so we may live ours with liberty.

choosing to be grateful

a conversation with a student last week made me play with the idea of practicing gratefulness. really, consciously, actively recognizing things to be grateful for. because if i just stop to think about it, there actually are so many reasons to be thankful, that i could be basking in blessings everyday if only i don't let myself snuggle under a blanket of despondency on days when life decides to give me jolts of disgruntlement.

today was one of those days. c has to be away for a few days. and while this has been happening every few months for the past four years, i still cannot get used to it. worse, i forgot all about this particular trip and had made plans for a breakfast date followed by a visit to the gym on friday. and so my morning was ripe with the promise of the blues.

luckily, i consoled myself with the thought that this is a relatively short trip compared to the ones before. feeling a bit better, i was reminded me that there are always, always reasons to be grateful, just waiting for me to acknowledge and appreciate them. and what better way to do that than to write them down?

this blog is dedicated to just that, to celebrating all things great and small that add orange to my days. =)